Operating System Problems, help please

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about
going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall Doesn't work on Wife
1.0. Please help! Thanks, Troubled User

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem about which men are complaining. Many
people upgrade from girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0
is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
Warnings-Alimony Child-Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and
work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best
course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but
it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several
support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do
Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNagNag
9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of
Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1
and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstance, install a new version of
Girlfriend. Any attempt to do so will initiate normally hidden and
unused instructions in Wife 1.0 which will initiate system conflict
and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of
luck, Tech Support