"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us (Malaysia).
"

Calvin & Hobbes Malaysia is hobbled by a corrupt and self-serving
UMNO/BN government which is so hopeless. Given the silly shenanigans that have been occurring in that country lately, I doubt any intelligent life would want to contact (be bothered) us in Malaysia.

Swine flu joke

A bear, a lion and a pig entered a competition to see who is the greatest:



Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."



Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."



Pig says: "big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear.

Swine flu joke

A bear, a lion and a pig entered a competition to see who is the greatest:



Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."



Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."



Pig says: "big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear.

Ahmad Said Malaysian racial joke

Background for the joke: Malaysia is a country of immigrants which a few generations ago had immigrants coming from China, India, Indonesia, Yemen, etc., and have racial harmony problem. The Malay Muslims majority claims special rights and get preferential treatments and claimed to be the original inhabitants of Malaysia. However, many Chinese and Indians are third, fourth, fifth..... generation descendants of Chinese and Indian laborers brought in by the Imperial English colonizer or even further back in history, are descendants of Chinese who came with Admiral Zheng He (Admiral Cheng Ho) in the fifteenth century while many Malay Muslims are not only recent immigrants or descendants of recent immigrants, but are also are descendants of mixed marriages. Ahmad Said was a Penang UMNO (political party for Malays only) warlord who during a by-election campaign called the Chinese pendatang immigrant and caused racial disunity and an uproar. The current Prime Minister of Malaysia Abdullah Badawi has Chinese blood, former Prime Minister of Malaysia Dr. Mahathir is of Malay-Indian descent, Said Albar the Interior Minister is the son of a Yeman immigrant, and Ahmad Said himself apparently is also a recent descendant of an Indian-Malay marriage.

Ahmad Said racial joke

Ahmad: Hey son, who were you talking to ?
Son: My fairy godmother.

Ahmad: How many times have I told you there is no such thing as a fairy godmother ?
Son: I know but there really is a fairy godmother, Dad.
Ahmad: Okay, call her here now. I would like to talk to her.
Son: But she won’t come Dad. She said she doesn’t want to meet you.

Ahmad: Did she tell you why?
Son: She said that you are a bad man.
You betray your Chinese friends by calling them Pendatangs.
Ahmad: You saw that news on TV, didn’t you ?
Son: No, I didn’t, the fairy godmother told me.
Ahmad: Well, your fairy godmother is wrong.
She should thank me for calling the Chinese Pendatangs.
Son: Why Dad ?
Ahmad: You see son, the Chinese are actually bad people.
They come from another country and they want to chase us out of
this country.
Son: Why do they want to do that Dad?

Ahmad: Because they are greedy.
Now, you tell your fairy godmother that your Dad is right by doing what
he did. Can your fairy godmother grant you wishes ?

Son: Yes Dad, she told me so.
She even asked me to make a wish but I didn’t know what to ask for.
Ahmad: Well, ask your fairy godmother to make all these Pendatangs to
disappear and go back to their grandparents country of origin.
Okay son, time for bed. No more talking to make belief fairy godmothers ,
okay .
Good night son.

Son: Good night Dad.

*15 minutes later*

Ahmad: SON, SON, where are you ? Where are you ?
Huh, there you are. I am so worried, I thought I’d never find you.
Son: Dad, where are we….. India ? Why are we here ?
I was talking to my fairy godmother on your wish and suddenly we are here
in a strange place.
Ahmad: Err, what were you talking to the fairy godmother ?
Son: *I told her, I wish all the Pendatangs would be sent back to where they
come from*.
*Is that Tun Dr Mahathir s/o Iskandar Kutty and
**Uncle Samy there selling roti ????
Dad, is this India ??? Badawi in China ….
Najib in Acheh rebuilding the home…..
**Khir Toyo busy tending his farm in Indonesia ….
Syed Albar and the rest of Arab SYED’s clan riding his camel in Yemen ’s
Arab desert.*

EU European Union English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’ .

In the first year, ’s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Snellen eye chart adult eye chart

Most people would be familiar with the Snellen chart or other eye chart used to test the visual acuity of the eye like the one below:



However, how many has seen this alternative eye chart for adult, especially for horny men:



Here in this unusual adult eye chart or strip tease eye chart, your visual acuity is tested by the degree of undress of that sexy woman that you can see.

Dr. Mahathir Mohamad and Marcos Joke

Shortly after Dr. Mahathir Mohamad became Prime Minister of Malaysia, he made a study trip to the Philippines to consult Marcos on how he (Marcos) had enriched himself off his nation’s (Phillipines) wealth.

Flattered, Marcos took Dr. Mahathir to the top most floor of his office building in Quezon City, went to the window, pointed out to all the skyscrapers out there and said, ‘See those buildings. Those Government buildings were built on grossly inflated costs. The surplus cost is mine. Privately owned buildings only approved after I’m taken care of’.

Dr. Mahathir thanked Marcos for the lesson.

Years later, Dr. Mahathir extended an invitation to Marcos to visit Malaysia to see for himself how well Dr. Mahathir had learnt from that one visit to the Philippines.

Dr. Mahathir took Marcos to the top most floor of his office building, went to the window, pointed out and said, ‘See those buildings. Government buildings built on grossly inflated costs’.

‘But there are no buildings out there’, a bewildered Marcos replied.

‘I know. The entire building cost is mine’, a smiling Dr. Mahathir replied.

Beach holiday turned white

He went to Hawaii and got a wonderful tan. Then he got the bill and turned white again.

Funny examination answers by desperate students

Funny trigonometry examination answers

Funny student answer: algebra

Funny student test answer: mathematics

Funny student answer for Calculus question

Nobody is perfect

Nobody is perfect. I am a Nobody.

Learning to drive

A car was stopped for zigzagging alarmingly...
Police Officer: "Do you know what you are doing?"
Driver: "I am learning to drive."
Officer: "What? without an instructor?"
Driver: "Oh yes. It's a correspondence course."

Parking fine

I can never park well. But someone actually complimented me the other day. He left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'

What you need to do when you hurt your arm in many places

Patient: "I've hurt my arm in several places"
Doctor: "Well, then don't go to those places anymore."